A Tibetan Buddhist Girl's Story

Sumtsenling Monastery (Buddhist), Shangri La

One of our guides grew up in a remote village on the Tibetan Plateau in a nomadic family that lived in a yurt and moved with their animals to find grass.  Five generations of her family lived in the yurt until her grandfather decided they would have more opportunities for the family if they settled in a village.  Amu (not her real name) was 10 when they moved to a small house in the village.  She had never been to school.

women selling hams

Amu started school at 10 ½ and loved it.  But, at 16, when she was still in middle school, her grandfather arranged a marriage for her.  Most village girls get married at 15 or 16, even today, all arranged by the grandfather.  Amu did not want to be married, so she ran off to the nearest city where she attended school, slept at the school, and worked in a restaurant to pay her expenses.  She had no contact with her family for 6 months.

Eventually, her grandfather came to the school to find her.  She told him she wanted to study, not be someone’s wife in her village.  He finally agreed to annul her marriage and let her finish middle and high school if she would consent to be married when she was 20.  Amu’s dream was to go to the university in Kunming to become a teacher, but she knew this was impossible as she is the oldest of her parents’ 3 children and needed to take responsibility for caring for her extended family.  The oldest child is always responsible for taking care of the elders in the family.

Buddhist monk

When she graduated from high school, Amu’s grandfather arranged a marriage for her with a man she never saw until the day they were married.  She said she had to agree to that as it is the custom in Tibetan Buddhist families.  Today, she says, she and her husband are happy together and have a 12 year old daughter.  But, she wants a different life for her daughter, to a point.  And she doesn’t want any more children.

She wants her daughter to be able to go to the university and to select her own husband.  She wants her to be able to choose what she does and how she lives her life.  She also expects her to follow custom and take care of her, her husband and her parents when she gets old.  So, a mix of new and old expectations.  Meanwhile, she has to persuade her father, her daughter’s grandfather, whose role it is to arrange her marriage, that letting her daughter make her own decisions is the right thing to do.

pilgrims at the Semtsenling Monastery

Amu taught herself English, which she speaks quite well, then went to guide school.  As a guide, she was able to pay for her brother and sister to go high school and to graduate from the university.  She and her husband both take care of her family, though she spends 6 months in the city during the high tourist season, living with her daughter so her daughter can go to school, and guiding English-speaking tourists.  She persuaded her husband to learn to be a driver and to buy a van so he could transport people from their village to the city.  They now have a driving business with the van they bought with her savings.

During the off season, Amu moves back to her village to help with her family's care, farming and the animals.  Her grandparents are still in good health, so, during the summer, they move their 62 animals up to the high mountain meadows and spend the warmer months in a yurt tending the animals.  Her daughter goes to boarding school in the city while Amu is in her village and Amu goes to the city every weekend to stay with her daughter, a 118 km drive each way.

Amu told us all her classmates were forced into arranged marriages while they were still in middle school, most only 15.  Most of them now have children who are getting married, again very young.  In the cities, most people wait until they are in their early 20’s to get married.

Tibetan woman

Amu is a very devout Buddhist who thrives on explaining here religion and culture to tourists, sometimes in more detail than you want, but with warmth and enthusiasm.  She cherishes her independence, but also her commitment to her family responsibilities.  She is the forefront of the change that is about to engulf the more remote regions of the Tibetan Plateau as high-speed trains and large numbers of visitors invade these rural communities.  She believes life will be better for women then.

Tibetan ladies cooking

Custom and Buddhism drive the culture in the communities on the Tibetan Plateau.  Amu knows change is coming fast and wants it for her daughter—and for herself.  At the same time, she will adhere to tradition for the sake of her family while she earns her own way and ensures that her siblings have the opportunities she never had.  Her independence and personal drive are remarkable in this environment.  As is her adherence to custom and her family duties.